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Intro - My hopes and dreams for this space

(Yep, that's me after snorkeling in St. Croix.)

Hopes and dreams sounds a little too big, so here's the deal - I am sick of feeling insignificant on this planet. If the last few years have taught me anything, it's that I need to be my own beacon of hope if I hope to be a healthy, happy, living, free human being in this world. I have always known nobody was coming to save me, but that knowing became much bigger in 2020. I realized nobody is coming to save us... nobody is coming to save the human race.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi

I have always been a weirdo. The funny girl. The crazy one. The wild one. But I am also the silent one. The scared one. The emotional one. The sensitive one. Somehow I'm both.

Nobody really knows the whole me, not even myself. That's what life is for, to meet yourself.

I have been lucky enough to travel across the US a few times from east to west and north to south and surpassed 25 states in my first 25 years of life. I have also been lucky enough to adventure to places like Costa Rica, St. Croix in the US Virgin Islands, and even travel across Spain.

All that traveling and searching and the one thing I've been missing the whole time is myself.

This world is full of endless adventure and possibility, but at some point you kind of feel that dreadful "something's missing."

Yeah, it's your SELF.

Living in this fast paced world is mesmerizing, electrifying and sometimes terrifying.

To be honest, it has always felt terrifying to me.

Life feels scary to me.

So I like big experiences, doing the unthinkable, and staying in my head and planning for all the "what if's" of life. It's been my way of staying safe in a complex and overwhelming world - kind of like turning the radio all the way up so you can't hear the weird noises your car is making after you hit a really big speed bump...

Except... my childhood was that speed bump.

And it wasn't one bump, but many.

I'm really good at writing. I'm really good at speaking. I'm really good at entertaining and making others feel safe. I'm amazing at bouncing back from hellish situations.

But at what cost?

What happens when you get so good at plowing through, you just stop feeling all together.

Healing from a world gone mad.

I truly believe humanity is at a tipping point. I believe we all have reached a place where we have no choice but to feel all the things we have been pushing down and blocking out - for years, for decades, for centuries and beyond.

I believe, we are a traumatized civilization.

You, me, your parents, your friends - all of us.

I have had many experiences in my life that have forced me to look deeper.

Much deeper.

And deeper still.

To search for a feeling.

A feeling of home.

Why doesn't this planet feel like home?

Why don't I feel at home in myself?

What happened?

The Cannibal Giant

When I first heard the term "Cannibal Giant" I was listening to a speech by Sheri Mitchel, a Penobscot Indian, attorney, activist and author of Sacred Instructions: Indigenous Wisdom for Living Spirit-Based Change.

The cannibal giant represents the greed, lust, and destruction embodied by the times we are living in.

I see this cannibal giant everywhere, and nobody is immune to being prey of this invisible predator.

Do you know why?

Because the predator lives within us.

How do you kill a giant bigger, stronger and smarter than you? You starve it.

You cut off the resources that the "cannibal giant" is living off of. But, if the cannibal giant is living off of us, what does that mean?

It means that you have to start taking control of you.

There is a you inside of you, behind the character you show the world, and might even perceive yourself to be. You are the one that watches you play out your life. You are the one in charge of your choices, and we are here to help each other.

We can no longer move forward without healing.

When I was a child, one of my favorite books to read was Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. The book is filled with poems and hand drawn cartoons, and it always felt whimsical and kind of existential to read... my favorite!

Well, the times we're living in right now feel a lot like the title of that book.

We've found ourselves at the place where the sidewalk ends.

So what are we going to do?

Mindlessly keep marching off the cliff?

Or wake up?

Are we going to stay in the hardened cocoon?

Or spread our wings and fly?

Use your mind to create change.

We are not dumb people. We are not stupid. We are not mindless.

We are in pain.

We are traumatized.

We are mislead.

We need to be brave and dig deep to really make a choice of what direction we want to go in.

"When you heal yourself you heal the world."

Now I am not saying that's easy, and I'm not saying I know how to do it either - but I do know that I can only heal myself.

That leads me back to you.

You! Yes, you reader! When I write this, I am writing to myself, and I hope my words reflect back into you. I am not here to change the world. I am here to heal myself.

Through creating, and feeling, and sharing, and making, and living!

"We're all just walking each other home." - Ram Dass

I hope we choose to love ourselves, because hating ourselves just kind of sucks. I think we are magical creatures, we just have to unlearn the things we needed to do to survive.

Times right now are uncertain, painful and concerning.

But all things out of balance must fall, so a healthier future can rise, one that is closer to the truth.


Trust the times we are in.

They are full of possibility. We have all the resources we need to create the future that we want to create, but that future begins with you.

That future begins with me.

I want to reconnect with myself.

I'm pretty sure we all do. But how?

I have found that living slower and closer to nature really helps me. Being offline, taking time away from the world and doing more things that fill me with joy, help me. Not using my mind so much, and using my hands instead. Making things just for the joy of making!

I believe being self reliant is a way for us to do more with less.

I grew up knowing how to save money, and I honestly see that as a blessing now, because I don't crave money, I crave freedom! And freedom to me means waking up everyday feeling connected to myself, to life, and to joy. But, freedom to me, also means feeling safe in my body, which is not something I have gotten to feel a lot of in life.

So, I have been learning to create that safety within myself.

Tengo cojones, y tú tienes cojones también.

No is a sentence, and we can begin to use that sentence more and more everyday. Not everyone and everything deserves access to you. Do you even have access to you?

In standing up for what you believe in, you also stand up for your self.

I believe in sustainability.

I believe in health.

I believe in happiness.

And I believe in justice.

Do no harm, and take no sh*t. Take no sh*t like you life depends on it. Even if it means going your own way, by yourself.

And guess what, when you start caring about yourself, you start caring about the planet. Why? Because there would be no you without this planet.

We are not meant to be living in such horror, constantly berated by catastrophic news, horrifying images, and tidal waves of fear.

You need to choose which piece of land you're jumping to, because right now you have one foot on an island that is sinking, and one that is on land that is rising like a mountain. Either you drown, or begin a long trek up that mountain.

We need to learn new ways, even if it is difficult. Even if it takes us becoming new people in the process.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Let's unlearn our conditioning.

Making small changes in the right direction add up to huge leaps and milestones. I hope to share inspiration to get outside, start experiencing, and believing in a better world. I hope to help liberate those choosing to create a better future!


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